Twist (March 2002)

“I’ll always be a jealous girl”

It was all smiles for Gwen Stefani when her beau, Gavin Rossdale, asked her to marry him. But Gwen admits her admits her insecurities have meant it wasn’t always so easy.

Gwen Stefani was determined not to look at the handsome guy on the stage. She and her band, No Doubt, had been touring with the Brit group Bush for just three days, and getting a crush on the lead singer, Gavin Rossdale, simply wasn’t on her agenda.

“There [is] no way [I'm] going to start hanging out with some dude who’s in a band that every girl wants to [be with],” she said to herself.

But it was really strange. Wherever her eyes started out, they always ended up looking in his direction. And even stranger still, he kept looking back…

Gwen and Gavin took it slowly at first, unsure whether the attraction to each other was the real thing. “Why should we tell everyone what’s happening when we don’t even know?” Gwen said when they were first starting out. Gavin added: “We wanted to wait and see if there was anything to tell.” But six years later, the rock-and-roll poster couple have announced plans to marry after Gavin proposed on New Year’s Day. Gwen had long spoken of her desire to tie the knot: “Anyone who knows me knows having a family has always been the most important thing to me.” And it seems her dream has finally come true.

But before you start thinking, well, she’s rich, she’s famous, of course she’s going to get what she wants, it’s worth remembering that getting to this point hasn’t exactly been easy for her. In fact, Gwen’s relationship with Gavin has been repeatedly dogged by something we all have to deal with at different times in our lives – the big ol’ green-eyed monster, jealousy. Whether it’s over our friends spending too much time with other people, or someone doing better than us in class, we all know how painful and destructive jealousy can be. And, as Gwen found, it can sometimes get a bit crazy.

Long-Distance Love

Jealousy is especially dangerous when you don’t get to spend enough time with the other person you’re insecure about – and for Gwen and Gavin, who lived on different continents and had to deal with long separations when their bands were on the road, it was tougher than most situations.

“It’s probably the hardest thing I could choose to do,” said Gwen of their long-distance relationship.

To add to the strain on Gwen,  rumours began to circulate that Gavin had a “wandering” eye. In July of 2000 he was reported to having a secret relationship with Andrea Corr (of the Corrs), and he was also reportedly seen out with Courtney Love and All Saints singer Nicole Appleton.

Gavin insists the reports were unfair. “When I was being photographically tracked for my various dalliances, I wasn’t with Gwen. So I’m not quite the scoundrel I was made out to be,” he said. “We broke up [for a while], which is how she got to write her band’s single, ‘Ex-Girlfriend.’ ”

The breakup didn’t last, perhaps because writing “Ex-Girlfriend” helped Gwen get her jealousy out of her system. But she admits there were “definitely some low points. We have [had] our ups and our droughts.”

The fact that Gavin was constantly pursued by groupies didn’t help her insecurities wither. “Of course I can get super-weird about [stuff]. I’m in a band and I know… exactly what goes on backstage. All the flirting that goes on… I guess the music or the talent brings out something in girls, and they just feel like they’re in love, and they want to get backstage so they can tell their friends that they made out with a guy from whoever.”

He gets jealous too

Gwen admits her jealousy could get to a point where she sometimes wished she had “a little leash to walk [Gavin] around,” but she wasn’t the only one with jealousy issues. Gavin himself was forced to deal with Gwen spending most of her time with ex-boyfriend and bandmate Tony Kanal, who she’d dated for eight years before Tony decided he wanted out. “Our whole relationship had become, to me, convoluted and intertwined with the band,” says Tony. “There was just no space, everything was tied together. I wasn’t happy and I don’t think she was happy. I don’t think I was treating her how she deserves to be treated. It’s like when you are in a relationship, everyone says you shouldn’t go out with someone you work with. That’s totally true. It doesn’t work out.”

Gwen wrote about their breakup on “Don’t Speak”: “With my head in my hands I sit and cry… It’s all ending. I gotta stop pretending who we are, I can see us dying.” And knowing that the two bandmates were together practically all the time couldn’t have been easy for Gavin.

“There have been in the past some weirdnesses,” confesses Gwen, perhaps made worse by the legions of No Doubt fans who are still, (yes, still!) hoping for a Gwen-Tony reunion. “Our fans really want us to… but no. I feel like I’m on my journey with Gavin.”

Journey sounds like the right word to use. As recently as December, when Gwen’s new album, Rock Steady, was released, she revealed that her insecurities still may not have completely gone away.

On “Detective,” she writes: “Once again you’ve let me down, my confidence below my knees now… I’m gonna snoop and call you out… Now I’m your broken hearted detective.” And on “Don’t Let Me Down,” she says: “Crying so deep that I think I might die, your mistakes I keep in the back of my mind, so hard to let go but I’m coming around, the scars are still fragile, don’t let me down.”

These lyrics suggest that, as Gwen herself admits: “I’m always going to be that jealous girl.” But with a ring on her finger, it looks like she might finally be able to let go of the destructive forces that have threatened her happiness in the past.

So how has she done it?

First, she says that this past year she and Gavin have been in the same country a lot more than ever before. “We spent loads of time together and really got to know each other… it was perfect.” But more importantly, she’s learning that sometimes you just have to look back at everything you’ve been through together and put your worst thoughts out of your mind.

“[A while ago] I was in the park with Gavin, and I had been keeping a journal, and we were so in love, and I wrote that line, ‘You’re so lovely underneath it all,’ ” Gwen says. “You know, like ‘After all the [crap] we’ve been through, you’re a really good person. I think I might like you’ ”

We hope she doesn’t forget that he clearly likes her too!